Dash Reviews…Jack Frost(1997)

Happy holidays, everybody! It’s Dash Jordan with some good, old-fashioned Holiday fear for you all…well, at least the film I’m reviewing thinks its good, old-fashioned Holiday fear. Yeah, no. You guys get to dream of sugar plums, while I get a constant migraine tonight.

Jack Frost’s nipping at my nose…and my self-respect.

‘Jack Frost’ is the 1997 Horror-Comedy written and directed by Michael Cooney. The film is about an infamous serial killer who gets mutated into a living and breathing snowman due to some strange genetics-altering McGuffin juice. Clearly, the director has never seen EVERY OTHER HORROR FILM STARRING A SUPERNATURAL KILLER! *ahem* sorry. Practically making no money whatsoever, but is still being watched and collected on DVD. Why? No, seriously…why?

What could I possibly say about a movie like this? Where do I start? The acting? WHAT ACTING?!? I suppose you could make the argument that this movie was never meant to be taken seriously, so the bad acting should be forgiven, right?

It makes no difference if the film itself is self-aware of its own quality, the thing that truly makes a comedy work is the delivery of the lines. I’ve always been iffy about bad acting in certain films. This film, however, I knew would be bad. But, ‘Kung Fury’ this film is not.

Kung Fury GIFs. Still rusty at making GIF's. Enjoy. Movie is made by LaserUnicorn so all credit goes to them. Link to the Movie on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watc

Okay, if there’s something positive I can say about the acting in this movie, it’s that the titular villain is clearly having the most fun in this trainwreck. Scott MacDonald plays Jack Frost and is a cocky, manic, and sleazy sociopath who acts as something of a callback to older Horror villains. Think of this guy as a mix of Freddy and Chucky. Sometimes, he can be funny. Most of the time, however, it can be pretty damn annoying. Oh, by the way, Shannon Elizabeth’s in the movie too. I don’t care. Shannon, why don’t you just do what you do best, either get naked or get killed.

Or, do both. Thanks a lot, Shannon, have a Merry Christmas. That’s another thing that I will say about this movie. The obnoxious gorehound in me can’t help but chuckle at some of the kills in this film. Pretty odd, I know. But, the death scenes really are the most inventive and ridiculous parts of this movie. When it comes to death scenes in horror movies, it’s almost like the fatalities for ‘Mortal Kombat’ games. They’re grotesque, unnecessary, hilarious, and not for everyone, but you can’t help but give respect to the people who had this much imagination.

Of course, all of these gruesome deaths would be more enjoyable if the effects weren’t so horrible. I get that this film is low-budget, but come on…so was ‘Halloween’ and that film still looks impressive. Do you really expect me to believe that the filmmakers are so cheap that they couldn’t get access to real snow, or at least make their own snow? Is it really that hard to freeze some water and shave the ice? I know the snowman costume had to be fake, guys. I’m not stupid. But really? I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but at least ‘Santa’s Slay’ looked like it had a budget.

Look, people…what else could you possibly expect from a film like ‘Jack Frost’?

…BESIDES Michael Keaton and that skinny, platinum-blonde Emo from Dreamworks, what else could you possibly expect from a film like ‘Jack Frost’? The acting is so bad it’s bad, the pacing is damn near frozen, the comedy is not all that funny, and the effects are crap. I only recommend this movie to those who are aware of its campy and awful quality.

Well, that was a mouthful. I’ll see you guys soon to spread some more Holiday cheer. Until then, Gotta Dash!

Rating: 1.5/10

Written by Shane Moose

Special thanks to the three big F’s in my life(Friends, Family & Fans) for helping me get this far, pushing me to go even further and for putting up with me when I try going further than that. To hell with my limitations!

Videos & Photos:

Jack Frost(1997 film)(owned by A-Pix Entertainment, Inc.)

Superman Returns(owned by Warner Bros. Pictures, Legendary Pictures, DC Entertainment, Peters Entertainment & Bad Hat Harry Productions)

Kung Fury(owned by Laser Unicorns & Lampray)

Santa’s Slay(owned by Media 8 Entertainment & VIP Medienfonds 1)

Jack Frost(1998 film)(owned by Warner Bros., Azoff Entertainment & The Canton Company)

Rise of The Guardians(owned by Paramount Pictures & Dreamworks Animation)

 

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