Hello, everyone! It’s The Dash Man, and I’m glad you all can join me for…what I hope could be a momentous occasion. There’s this guy who I’ve been watching for quite some time now, and it’s not what you’re thinking, and I wanted to take this time to address something. Some of you may be aware that I’ve made a few jokes here and there surrounding this particular celebrity. I’m not trying to start any trouble, especially with someone who I have the utmost respect for. I simply want to be heard, noticed, and maybe get a good laugh or two out of it once all’s said and done. The celebrity I’m referring to? I’m talking about…well, I’m talking to Mr. Doug Walker a.k.a. The Nostalgia Critic.
DA-DA-DAAAA-DAAAA-DA-DA! *ahem* sorry, still catchy. Anyway, Mr. Critic, may I call you Critic? Critic…I understand that you’re one hell of a busy man. But if you ever do come across this article, I just want you to know that it’s an honor to have known you for all these years. I’ve been a fan of your work ever since I was in high school, and I’ve been watching your reviews religiously ever since. In fact, I remember the first time I watched one of your videos. It was the review of an old film I loved when I was a kid, ‘Good Burger’.
Don’t judge me, I was seven…well, it’s still kind of funny. Anyway, back to what I was saying. Looking back, I didn’t think I would enjoy some guy poking fun at a piece of my childhood. But I did, and I became a fan.
You have a personality that I’ve never seen before from a film critic. I know that Gene Siskel & Roger Ebert were your idols and inspired you to do what you do best, as they are mine. But the thing I found most amusing about you is that unlike guys like Siskel & Ebert who took a more serious approach, you did something that I’ve never seen before. You took the idea of being a film critic and turned it into this sort of comedy show. That is probably the biggest thing I can respect, is the fact that you took something and made it your own. This didn’t just inspire me, but I like to think that it inspired a whole slew of internet critics; especially the ones from your site, Channel Awesome. Some of those other critics also became some of my other heroes; guys like Spoony, Nostalgia Chick, Phelous, Linkara, Marzgurl, The Blockbuster Buster, just to name a few. I probably would’ve never known these guys if I hadn’t clicked on that ‘Good Burger’ review. For years, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Hell, I still do. But from that moment on, I knew what the career to fall back on would be. If I couldn’t make it as an author, I knew I wanted to be a film critic. So much so, that I’ve managed to make it to my second year writing these articles, as well as going to school for Journalism. That’s a lot to handle and I definitely haven’t been putting out as many articles as I did last year, but I’ve accepted the sacrifice and I’m continuing to move forward. Once again, because of you. A few years ago, I remember you were contemplating on retiring the Nostalgia Critic character after your four-year anniversary special, ‘To Boldly Flee’.
Believe it or not, I was one of the few people who understood why you wanted to end things. For a time, it was upsetting but I didn’t stop being a fan of your work like some people. You wanted to move on, try new things, I get it. Not to say that I wasn’t surprised and excited to see you come back because I was. Not only that, but you came back better than ever. To this day, you’re my hero. I wouldn’t have had these two years as a critic if it wasn’t for you remembering it so I don’t have to. For that, I thank you. But, I’m sure you’re probably getting tired of all this ego-stroking, right?
…thanks, I needed that flashback. Well, let me get to the point. Ever since I’ve been doing these reviews, I’ve made mention of you a few times. Then, I noticed that you beat me to the punch on a few films. Some of these older films have been talked about enough and I can understand that. So, I made a little joke and just simply took it all as coincidence. But then, you reviewed ‘Labyrinth’ before me. No worries, I did get to ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ before you.
But THEN…you recently beat me to reviewing ‘Freddy vs. Jason’, which is what I was going to review this year. I’m not trying to say that you’re intentionally doing this since you hardly know me. I just find it pretty amusing. With that said, I hope you’ll find this just as amusing…as well as this message. See? I had a point to that clip from ‘The Langoliers’ all along. I noticed that every year on Halloween, you like to have your usual Stephen King review. They’ve all been hilarious, I’ll give you that. I’ll even admit, there are some things about Stephen King stories that I also found stupid.
With that said, I’m planning on doing a Top Ten list of my personal favorite Stephen King adaptations. So, I would like to propose a friendly challenge. I would like to know your Top 11 Stephen King Films. Just to see who does it first, as well as just to see how similar or different our opinions may be. Once again, I’m not trying to start any beef with you. I don’t fight with people I respect. I simply just want to pick your brains.
Yeah, I guess that was kind of funny. So Critic…the ball’s in your court and you have until next year’s Halloween. If you accept my challenge, please shoot me a message and let me know. I would consider it an absolute honor to actually talk with you. Well Doug, you up to the challenge? Or are you gonna chicken out to the Dashforce…like your liver after playing the Stephen King Drinking Game?
You’re the Nostalgia Critic, you remember it so I don’t have to…so let’s see if you can remember Halloween 2017. Find me…until then, Gotta Dash!
Written by Shane Moose
Special thanks to the three big F’s in my life(Friends, Family & Fans) for helping me get this far, pushing me to go even further and for putting up with me when I try going further than that. To hell with my limitations!
…and a very special thanks to Doug Walker, the man who inspires me to do what I do best…now accept my challenge!
Videos & Photos:
Nostalgia Critic(owned by Doug Walker & Channel Awesome, Inc.)
Good Burger(owned by Paramount Pictures, Nickelodeon Movies & Tollin/Robbins Productions)
To Boldly Flee(owned by Doug Walker & Channel Awesome, Inc.)
The Langoliers(owned by Laurel Entertainment Inc., Spelling Films International, Worldvision & ABC)
Creepshow(owned by Warner Bros., Laurel Entertainment Inc. & United Film Distribution Company)
Hannibal(owned by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Universal Pictures, Dino De Laurentiis Company & Scott Free Productions)
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