Dash Reviews…Ghostbusters: Answer The Call

   Hey, guys! It’s the Dash-man here, and…I know I said that a promise is a promise. But look at it from my point of view. I just came back after a pretty long hiatus, I had to watch as this one certain movie split people apart faster than Hillary Clinton & Donald Trump, it took me so long to find the time to finally get around to reviewing it, and now…not only does one particular demographic STILL want to kill me…

   But, this is yet ANOTHER review the friggin’ Nostalgia Critic got to review before me!!! Damnit!!!

…I’m gonna get you one day, Douglas! Where was I?

Oh right, I was pissing half of America off.

   ‘Ghostbusters: Answer The Call’, or ‘Ghostbusters(2016)’ is the 2016 reboot of the 1984 horror-comedy classic. Directed by Paul Feig and starring Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones and Chris Hemsworth. By far, the most mixed movie I’ve ever had to review. While the film is technically a box office bomb, there’s already rumors of their possibly being a sequel. Some moviegoers and even the cast and crew who mocked fans of the original and counted them out as closed-minded misogynists who refused to give the reboot a chance, other moviegoers who mocked fans of the reboot and counted them out as mindless feminazis who have no respect for the original, and on, and on, and on! But finally, at long last, here we are. Now that the dust is settled, the smoke is cleared, and the feelings of everyone has been butt-hurt…here I stand. How do I feel about the reboot?

Now, from an aesthetic point of view, the film is really not all that special. If you’ve seen any movie within the past few years, you would become familiar with Hollywood’s tendency to do away with practical effects in favor of computer-generated imagery. Not to say that having a CGI-heavy film is a bad thing because there are certain things that can be done with computers that can’t be done with costumes, animatronics, and actual locations. As much as it hurts me to say, but it is true. This is why we have films like ‘The Matrix Trilogy’, ‘Avatar’, and even the later ‘Star Wars’ & ‘Star Trek’ movies, just to name a few. However, if you’re going to resort to using CGI in your films, the one thing that I ask is that the images are executed properly and NOT like its a cutscene to an Xbox One game.

   Don’t get me wrong, some of the CG in the film was handled pretty well, like Slimer and the streams from the Proton Packs. But the other images looked just downright cartoony. Yes, more cartoony than the actual cartoon!

   Anyway, let’s go into the real meat of the film, the story. I just have to say, well…it’s a rehash of the original, and yet it’s not. As if to say that they took the same beats and gave it a good polishing. A group of eccentric scientists discovering the existence of ghosts? Check! They get fired from the college they worked at? Check! Some people getting possessed by ghosts? Check! The big bad letting the Ghostbusters choose the form of their destroyer only to screw them over and turn into some giant monstrosity? Check! I mean, come on, what else were you expecting? An original tale about acceptance and believing in yourself, featuring the original Ghostbusters properly passing the torch to the new cast, allowing for a much smoother transition to help bring in the newer fans, as well as helping the older fans become more accepting to this new possible franchise?

   Yeah, no. Instead, we get a cookie-cutter plot that follows the same guidelines as the original movie instead of trying to find its own identity. We also got some guy named Rowan who wants to end the world. That’s fine and dandy, the villains from the first two movies wanted to end the world too. But, what’s the motivation? Does ANYONE remember this guy? Think about it…Gozer the Gozerian, Vigo the Carpathian, Rowan the Pathetic & Emotionless Sicko. Yeah, I’m really gonna be shaking in my boots when this guy comes along with his Magic the Gathering cards & My Chemical Romance albums.

   Shut up, freakshow! Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that this guy is the worst actor in this whole movie. As for everyone else…Chris Hemsworth and a couple of cameos from the original cast…yippee. These guys could do better and deserve better. Well okay, it was kind of amusing to see Bill Murray, Ernie Hudson, Dan Akroyd, Sigourney Weaver, and even an image of Harold Ramis in his honor, which I thought was pretty sweet. As for Thor…God, was he an idiot in this movie. Every second his character was on screen, I wanted to choke him, he was that annoying. At least now, we finally know what Thor was up to during the Civil War. He was cosplaying as some jackass, muscle-headed, New York Hipster with a bunch of amateur Ghostbusters.

   Now, I know I’ve said a lot of foul things about the main cast in this movie. They didn’t prove me wrong, but it could’ve been better. Relax, I’m going to talk about why the Ghostbusters CAN’T be all-women. The problem I have is that they couldn’t find funnier women. Sarah Silverman, Alex Bornstein, Wanda Sykes, Kate Micucci, Tina Friggin’ Fey! No? I’m sorry, but I’ve never been a fan of Melissa McCarthy’s comedy and I felt like she was trying too hard in this movie, while Kristen Wiig seemed like she wasn’t trying hard enough.

   But, the absolute worst actress in this new group is none other than Leslie Jones as Patty Tolan. Or as I like to call her, “The TRUE Token” of the Ghostbusters. In the original, Ernie Hudson’s character of Winston was more than just the token black guy. He was the everyman to the audience; Winston was the sensible, cool-headed voice of reason of the original movies. So, instead of getting an intelligent and talented black woman to play this part, you get the unfunny, sassy, ghetto black woman to play the unfunny, sassy, ghetto black woman. Great casting, Sony!

   So am I, stop sucking! Anyway, the other two members, I also didn’t find entirely remarkable. To me, Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig were…they were just there. However, there actually was one actor that actually surprised me and I actually found tolerable. That was Dr. Jillian Holtzmann; played by Kate McKinnon.

   To be fair, she has made me laugh a few times…on Saturday Night Live, she does a spot-on impersonation of Hillary Clinton. In this movie, she plays Holtzmann as a mad scientist gone good. She’s basically the Egon Spangler of the new group but, McKinnon actually does a fairly decent job at taking the idea of an original character and making a character that’s uniquely her own. That, and to be fair, her character is responsible for some of the new gadgets featured in this movie. I gotta admit, this was something that I didn’t know I wanted to see. Think back to when we were kids, watching ‘The Real Ghostbusters’ cartoon and playing the toys. Some of the toys were things that we’ve never seen in the original movies and I think some of us wanted to see new gadgets like these. In other words…THE GADGETS WERE FRIGGIN’ AWESOME! I’m not even kidding, the new gadgets is probably where the majority of the effort of this movie went into, and I tip my hat to the people in charge of the practical effects and gadget designs.

Before I end things, allow me to clarify a few things. Aside from some personal things going on in my life, there actually was a reason as to why I held off this review for a while. Normally, I would like to review new films when they just come out. However, I’ve seen the backlash that the fans were getting from not just people who were excited to see this movie, but even the cast and crew. Say what you will, but I personally refuse to show any respect for any filmmaker, actor, or Hollywood executive who deem it necessary to attack the moviegoers just for voicing their opinion, right or wrong. I knew I was going to get a lot of crap for this, no matter how I felt about it. After watching Doug Walker and even Angry Joe review this reboot, and they did great jobs. So I thought, What could I possibly add to this type of discussion when I talk about the controversy? Even after seeing the movie, I could’ve easily crapped on this movie for the majority of the cast, the dumb choices made by the characters, the familiar yet sugar-coated script, the cartoony CGI, the crappy editing, mediocre attempts at comedy, the lack of genuine scares, and the piss-poor cover of the iconic Ghostbusters theme from friggin’ Fall Out Boy and Missy Elliot of all people! Or, I could’ve joined the bandwagon and praised this film for its practical effects, the CG effects that DID work, the funny cameos, the new gadgets and the 80s-inspired neon look of the film out of fear of being considered a sexist. Then I remembered, I’m Dash Jordan! I can always find an Option C! With that said, I kinda feel the same way about this movie as I did about ‘Batman v Superman’. It was great to know that I was right about the things that both movies got wrong or failed at. But, I will still acknowedge what both movies got right. It’s not impossible to get away with remaking a movie if done right, but when you fail to get it right, that’s when we feel like you tarnish our childhood. Most likely, this film will end up getting that sequel despite the fact that this movie bombed. Let’s just hope that they’ll follow in the same steps that ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows’ took. By that, I mean surprise us with a sequel with better writing, better effects, better acting, better appreiciation for the franchise, and better respect for the old and new fans. This isn’t ‘Star Wars’ versus ‘Star Trek’, guys. The fans should be fighting against the machine, not amongst theirselves.

Thanks, Bill! Wait, I feel like I’m forgetting something…Oh right, I haven’t done an Anita Sarkeesian joke in a while. Umm…you’re a moron.

   NOW, Dash Jordan is back! Hope you guys enjoyed my review, and if I don’t get killed in the next couple of hours…there’s one director who’s been off my radar for a while now and it’s about that time.

Until then, Gotta Dash!

P.S. Get well soon, Nostalgia Critic.

Rating: 3/10

Written by Shane Moose

Any images of Rob Zombie and his works are property of Rob Zombie

Videos & Photos:

Ghostbusters: Answer The Call(owned by Village Roadshow Pictures, Pascal Pictures, The Montecito Picture Company & Feigco Entertainment)

Nostalgia Critic(owned by Doug Walker & Channel Awesome, Inc.)

The Dark Knight(owned by Warner Bros., Legendary Pictures, DC Comics & Syncopy)

The Real Ghostbusters(DiC Enterprises, Columbia Pictures Television, Sony Pictures Television, DHX Media & Coca-Cola Telecommunications)

GoodFellas(owned by Warner Bros.)

Lethal Weapon 4(owned by Warner Bros., Silver Pictures & Doshudo Productions)

Liar Liar(owned by Universal Pictures & Imagine Entertainment)

Ghostbusters(owned by Columbia Pictures)

Feminist Frequency(owned by Anita Sarkeesian)

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