Dash Rants…Kristen Stewart Giving Daisy Ridley “Advice”?

   This is Dash Jordan here, and once again…something or someone has to piss me off and make me want to go off on a tangent. Gee, I wonder who it is THIS time?

   According to numerous sources, ‘Twilight’ & ‘American Ultra’ actress Kristen Stewart has been talking to Hollywood newcomer, Daisy Ridley. Yes, THAT Daisy Ridley!

  It seems that Stewart has been giving the new star some advice and tips on how to deal with being in the big leagues, becoming one of the new faces of Hollywood and being in a big-blockbuster film franchise. Now, Ms. Stewart. Mind if I call you Kris? Kris. Let me explain something to you. Comparing Star Wars to the Twilight Saga…not only does that sound extremely dumb when you say it out loud, but it also sounds extremely dumb when you say it out loud. But, since you feel the need to not mind your own damn business, I suppose I’ll compare the two franchises for you so that you don’t forget next time. You know those rare occasions when you see an old, married couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. It’s beautiful, right? It just makes you all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn’t it? Well, not as beautiful as a Edward Scissorhands performing a colonoscopy.

   Sounds dumb, doesn’t it? Well, so does trying to compare yourself to Daisy Ridley and thinking you can give her advice on how to be a “good” actress. Yeah, because if I was an up and coming actor who was blessed to have the one in a million chance to star in a Star Wars movie, possibly becoming the new face of the franchise, I would like to take acting and lifestyle tips from an emotionless, drugged-up, chain-smoking, wannabe-hippie who hasn’t been in a decent movie since ‘Panic Room’.

   I like you to shut the hell up when grown folks are talking! Because, while you were out playing a role that taught young girls that it’s okay to be bland airheads and be completely dependant on men…

Daisy has been doing cute and aspiring stuff, like this:

Do you know many little girls who go to conventions dressed up like Bella Swan? No, because I’d like to think that I live in a world where most young girls friggin’ know better! Seriously K-Stew, who are you kidding? Why would Daisy Ridley ever listen to anything you have to say? You know what? Maybe I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. I mean, Daisy has been signed on to do the next movie. This isn’t even a spoiler, people. It’s been stated that Daisy Ridley will return in the next Star Wars movie, so maybe Stewart was trying to teach Ridley some of the same Jedi Mind-Tricks that she used to control and manipulate Robert Pattinson’s manhood.

Poor guy…I’ve seen starving orphans who smiled more than this guy.

Look, the point I’m trying to make is this. No one likes you, no one wants to hear what you think. You’re an emotionless bore, you’re a terrible actress, you’re an awful human being and a blight on Hollywood & life itself. Meanwhile, Daisy Ridley is a young and talented actress who was lucky enough to have her big break starring in the biggest film of the year. She’s a truly magnificent young woman, a true role model for girls and young women all over the world and she will go on to continue to have an amazing career. Why? Because, I firmly believe that unlike some actors who were seriously typecasted in certain film roles, Daisy Ridley has the talent and brains to prevent that.

   So, I’m not gonna tell you again. Kristen, stay the hell away from Rey! I’ve seen the damage you’ve done to Dakota Fanning!

Well, you’re not gonna do the same to another rising star. Now, go back to your little corner alongside the other one-trick jackasses, continue to watch your career fade off into oblivion and keep your damn mouth shut!


Thank you, Walter! Until next time, kids…Gotta Dash!

Written by Shane Moose

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens(owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures, Lucasfilm Ltd. & Bad Robot Productions)

Edward Scissorhands(owned by 20th Century Fox)

Panic Room(owned by Columbia Pictures, Hofflund/Polone &
Indelible Pictures)

Twilight(owned by Summit Entertainment, Temple Hill Entertainment, Maverick Films, Imprint Entertainment & DMG Entertainment)

Annie(owned by Columbia Pictures & Rastar)

Man On Fire(owned by 20th Century Fox, Regency Enterprises
& Scott Free Productions)

Every Secret Thing(owned by Hyde Park Entertainment, Likely Story, Merced Media Partners & PalmStar Entertainment)

The Big Lebowski(owned by Gramercy Pictures, Working Title Films
& Polygram Filmed Entertainment)



5 thoughts on “Dash Rants…Kristen Stewart Giving Daisy Ridley “Advice”?

  1. First off, allow me to apologize for not fully-explaining the point of my “Dash Rants” segments. The point is that it’s my own personal opinion, added with a little comedic edge. But, I sincerely do apologize if my opinion differs from your opinion. Second, I am only human. I’m sure you have made plenty of mistakes in your lifetime, as well. However, whether Daisy asked Kristen or the other way around, the point I was trying to make is that I personally feel that “K-Stew” is the wrong person to ask for advice. Lastly, I’ve actually seen Kristen Stewart in other films…I’m sure to some people, ‘Twilight’, ‘Catch That Kid’, ‘Zathura’, ‘Adventureland’, ‘The Runaways’, ‘Snow White & The Huntsman’ & ‘American Ultra’ are considered sheer masterpieces and held in very-high regard. Personally, however, her films are just not my cup of tea. I do thank you for commenting and I also value your opinion, as well as anyone who would take the time to read my articles and leave their own thoughts. This is a free country, after all. Have a nice day, and a happy new year.


  2. A classy response Dash, but at the same time… the article was a little savage…

    K-Stew has a lot to answer for… but it wasn’t her alone, Pattinson, Sheen, Nighy are all thought of as “credible” and were part of the abomination… Robbie got away with it cos he’d died in Harry Potter… he perhaps had a little more “nous” about how to handle the fame that came his way… but the reality is that the only people who know whats coming are those who lived it… Inspipid as it was, K-Patz was the biggest thing on the planet for a long time, sparkling vampires replaced Dracula and worse actors like Kellan Lutz and Taylor Lautner have careers than K-Stew..

    It wasn’t THAT long before when a guy called Hayden stunk up the joint as a can’t miss character in the SAME franchise Daisy, John and the like have gone into… if you don’t think K-Stew is qualified then ask has she ever met Mr. Christiensen or talked to him… chances are they both shared some kind of substance and moaned together about how they got a shit deal out of a can’t miss…

    Irony is, Kirsten probably said similar to Carrie… “Don’t F*** the crew (or director) as it’s not worth it…” “Here’s a good security company, if you can afford them (I can’t anymore), they’ll keep you safe…” or “just f***ing enjoy it cos the fanboys/girls will end up hating you anyway….like they cared about Mark Hamill for the whole of the 90’s…”

    Like I said, rant a tad harsh on her, but does deserve 90% of what she gets… 5% is probably down to “she’s not Emma Watson” and the rest, hey at least she’s still working semi-credible films (unlike Madam Lohan…) that are intended to be good.

    Lay off her dude, blame Stephanie Myers before you blame her…as for Daisy… she’s got enough to worry about with the Keira-lite comparisons long before Kirsten can f*** her up…


  3. I just want to say one thing: STOP CREATING FAKE NEWS! You are creating fake news just to put Kristen in a ridiculous position and way, so you can tell shit about her. Man, what your problem? Just stop doing this and go find something good to do, please, you are acting like a retard, so just stop.


    1. Everything is clearly labeled. I do have articles called ‘Dash News’ which is simply that. The title of the article you’ve read is called ‘Dash Rants’, meaning, it’s my personal opinion about what’s going on in Hollywood; mainly Hollywood news that I may not like or disagree with. The key with those kinds of articles, once again, is that it’s my own personal opinion. I can understand that it may be a little different from your opinion. Shot in the dark, I’m guessing your a bit of a fan of Kristen Stewart as well. However, if you were to look up this news on Google, you’ll find that this story is, in fact, not fake or made up. Thank you for your viewership.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s