Wow, it’s been awhile. Don’t be alarmed, Dash is back. I’m so sorry it’s been awhile since I gave you guys any reviews or any breaking news. I’m pretty sure I’ve missed a lot, by now. You see, I’ve recently been on vacation for my birthday. Once again, I do apologize for not letting you guys in on that. I promise, I will let you guys know ahead of time next time. Now, I’m not just here to tell you guys that I’m still alive. I’m also here to let you know that something may have finally died since my epic return.
Wow…I guess it really can’t rain all the time, huh?
Ha ha ha ha, okay, okay. Settle down now, Brandon. Anyways, for those of you who’ve been sleeping through the 90s, ‘The Crow’ started out as an independent comic series from 1989 about a man brought back from the dead by a mysterious crow to seek vengeance on the criminals who murdered him and his fiancee. This gothic revenge tale was created by James O’Barr, who used his creation as a means to help himself cope with the death of his girlfriend back in 1978.
The comic itself had an immense cult following and is arguably one of the most important graphic novels of all time, but what most people may be familiar with is the 1994 film starring the late Brandon Lee. So, of course, the studio felt the need to ignore the dark shadow surrounding the story’s origin and the film’s production and focus more on the film’s overall critical and financial success. Basically, turning the cult comic and its sleeper-hit adaptation into an unneeded franchise; three sequels that only got progressively worse with each film and a cheap retelling of the Eric Draven story in the form of a short-lived TV series.
I mean, if we’ve learned anything from other franchises like ‘Star Trek’ or ‘Godzilla’, you could easily make a sequel that’s better than the other sequels. Unfortunately, the sequels ended up being pretty bad, to the point that it ruined any future plans for more sequels. As much as ‘The Crow’ didn’t need any sequels in the first place, the very idea of a mythical crow bringing a tortured soul back to the land of the living to put the wrong things right does have a lot of potential for multiple storylines; as made evident by all sorts of books, comic books and even fan films that are still being made today. So, it’s been a good number of years since the last attempt at a new ‘Crow’ film. So, what did Hollywood have in store for us this whole time? Maybe, we could finally get that Rob Zombie-directed film that would’ve been set in the future? Perhaps, try out a female protagonist this time around? Or maybe something a bit more relevant like ‘The Lazarus Heart’ storyline that focused on a homosexual protagonist avenging his male lover? Or, go all out risque with a crow resurrecting a child?
Yeah, who am I kidding? Of course Hollywood has been trying to remake the Eric Draven story again all this time. I mean, there was so much crap with this film going on. From their choice of a Spanish director who had never directed an American film before, to rumored casting choices such as Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum, Luke Evans and Marky Mark…No, I’m not making this up. At one point, even Kristen Stewart was rumored to be a part of the movie!
See?!? Kristen Stewart doesn’t even know what the square root of acting is, and she agrees with me! Luckily, they realized how dumb this was all starting to sound. James O’Barr himself hated the idea, obviously. At the same time, O’Barr decided to oversee the film’s production and that the film was supposedly NOT going to be so much of a remake of the 1994 film but a shot-for-shot adaptation of the comic much like ‘Watchmen’ or ‘Sin City’. So to be fair, the chances of this new movie being good had went from zero to microscopic. But then, it has been reported that production has been put on hold. Most likely, indefinitely.
Personally, as I’ve stated before, they should really just leave ‘The Crow’ alone. Or, if they REALLY have to make another ‘Crow’ movie, then just put some actual effort in a new sequel this time around. You could make the argument that I’m being a little bias since ‘The Crow’ is one of my favorite movies of all time. I mean, look at this ceramic mold I made back in high school:
But I’m not just telling you as a fan, I’m also telling you as a professional. Out of all the films you could try and remake, ‘The Crow’ should NOT be one of them. As of right now, there’s no telling how long this reboot will stay in development hell or when they’ll have enough funding to continue production. But, I will do my best to keep you guys posted on any new developments. Until then, I know someone’s smiling above us…
Now that I gave my two cents and made every ‘Crow’ fan rejoice, I think it’s about time I got back to doing what I do best. I promise, you won’t have to wait long for my next review…Why?Because, it’s request time again. I’m putting the fate of my next review in your hands, so please leave those comments. Until then, Gotta Dash!
Oh yeah, you want to know another reason why ‘The Crow’ is one of my all-time favorite movies ever? It introduced me to Robert Smith.
You’re welcome. NOW, I Gotta Dash!
Videos & Photos:
The Crow(1994) (owned by Miramax Films & Dimension Films)
The Crow(comic series) (owned by James O’Barr & Caliber Press)
Nelly’s Ride Wit’ Me ft. St. Lunatics(owned by Nelly, Universal Records & Jason “Jay E” Epperson)
Scrubs(owned by Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment, Disney–ABC Domestic Television & Doozer)
Welcome To The Rileys(owned by Samuel Goldwyn Films)
The Cure’s Burn(owned by The Cure, Elektra Records & Rhino Entertainment)